


longing for what used to be

by taecallsmenoona



Series: Alphas & Omegas [7]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alpha Kim Hongjoong, Alpha Song Mingi, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst, Bottom Choi San, Explicit Language, Forced Bonding, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mating, Mating Bites, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mistakes Are Made, Omega Choi San, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Relationships, Protective Seonghwa, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Knotting, Sad, So much angst, Swearing, Top Song Mingi, platonic san/seonghwa, seonghwa is scary here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:15:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26273962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taecallsmenoona/pseuds/taecallsmenoona
Summary: “Mingi are you with me?”“Yeah baby, are you okay?” Mingi, usually the most attentive alpha, has a hint of worry now lacing his deep voice.“I need to know if you just bit me. It feels like you bit me.” San enunciates, not moving.“I always bite y-oh fuck.”“Mingi please tell me you didn’t. Tell me you didn’t actually bite to mate.”
Relationships: Choi San/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: Alphas & Omegas [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1655995
Comments: 16
Kudos: 212





	1. fragile lives

**Author's Note:**

> update to the rules that i'll add to part one later: if you're not with your mate right after you've been marked, you experience terrible pain. i'm adding that for no reason at all and it totally has nothing to do with what you're about to read
> 
> this one's a doozy, yall. buckle up. the tag about rape noncon elements is because of something that happens to one of the boys in their past and it's about forced mating. if you're sensitive to that, please skip the last few paragraphs and reach out to me on twitter if you want the PG safe version. Also keep in mind that this is a work of fiction and this doesn't represent anything the boys have actually gone through to my knowledge.

San was calculated. He always has been. He likes to have everything just so and if things don’t go the way he suspects they should, he throws somewhat of a fit. Mingi, as his alpha, knows this from experience, usually letting his omega plan things out in his own neurotic way. San’s heat usually brought that out tenfold in his post-orgasmic haze so when he feels a sharp bite that feels what he would assume a mating bite would feel like, he panics and stills all movement while Mingi is knot-locked inside of him.

“Mingi?” San treads lightly. He feels the alpha hum into his shoulder as he presses mindless kisses onto San’s spine and runs his tongue along the new mark on San’s neck. San’s blood runs cold and he feels a droplet of sweat run down the planes of his back. He’s not sure who it belongs to, but that’s the least of his worries. 

“Mingi are you with me?” 

“Yeah baby, are you okay?” Mingi, usually the most attentive alpha, has a hint of worry now lacing his deep voice. 

“I need to know if you just bit me. It feels like you bit me.” San enunciates, not moving.

“I always bite y- _ oh fuck. _ ”

“Mingi please tell me you didn’t. Tell me you didn’t  _ actually  _ bite to mate.”

“Fuck, Sani, I’m so sorry.” Mingi apologizes, eyes not leaving the brand new, now-healed, mating mark on San’s shoulder. 

“You’re…you’re  _ sorry. _ Mingi are you fucking kidding me?” San’s almost too calm. Mingi expects San to throw a fit, yell and scream and cry, but currently San is doing none of that to his awareness. 

San says nothing the entire time they wait for Mingi’s knot to go down and still stays silent as Mingi cleans him up. 

“Come on, Sani, please talk to me,” Mingi pleads but the omega doesn’t meet his gaze. San spares his alpha a look and Mingi’s heart shatters into a million pieces at the dejection that is laced through San’s features. Mingi dresses a motionless San in his favorite pair of Mingi’s sweatpants and his fluffiest jumper and snuggles up behind his omega as they relax before bed. San’s tense, but still doesn’t say a word. He presses a kiss to San’s hair and feels him sag against his chest. He holds his omega slightly closer that night, hoping that they’ll be able to talk it through in the morning.

*****

Mingi wakes up the next morning to a cold bed, San apparently having been gone for a while. Panicking, he reaches for his glasses and his cell phone. He hears a slight rustling of paper falling when he jostles his phone and sees a note from his omega.

> _ Alpha, please don’t come looking for me. I am safe. I will come back. I just need time _
> 
> _ xoxo - S _

There were splotches on the paper and Mingi knows that San was crying when he wrote this. Willing his heartbeat to slow, he dials a familiar number and curses when Seonghwa picks up the phone.

“Seonghwa, is he with you?” Mingi gasps.

“He is.”

“Great, I’m on my way.”

“No, you’re not.”

“What do you mean ‘no you’re not’ I’m literally going to come see him.” Mingi tries desperately.

“I mean you need to give him space. How could you? Without even fucking clearing it with him first.” Seonghwa’s voice was getting more rushed and Mingi could hear the agitation. He shrunk in on himself even though nobody was there to see it.

“I know, Hwa.  _ God  _ I didn’t even realize I had done it.” Mingi pleaded with his older friend. “He was so quiet afterwards, so tense. And then he was just  _ gone _ this morning. I didn’t even realize that it was huge for him.”

“You took away his fucking  _ agency _ Mingi, what do you expect? He’s now tied to you permanently, and while he probably would love nothing more than to be your omega for the rest of his life, you took away that choice for him and that’s just fucking shitty.” Seonghwa hangs up the phone and somehow Mingi feels worse than he did waking up alone that morning.

*****

“Hwa,  _ Hwa _ , it fucking hurts,” San cried from the guest bedroom. The ache in San’s chest had grown steadily since he left last week, but that day it was unbearable.

“Do you want me to call him?” San shakes his head violently at Seonghwa’s suggestion. “Baby, you need something. You can’t just ignore the mark and hope it will go away.”

“I read somewhere that just a scent would help him feel better,” Hongjoong supplies helpfully, bouncing a babbling Jisoo on his hip.

“God, baby you’re a fucking genius.” Seonghwa praises and presses a wet kiss to Hongjoong’s cheek before scampering off to call Mingi.

Safely in their living room he dials Mingi, the taller picking up on the second ring.

“Can I come see him yet?”  _ God  _ he sounds devastated. 

“He’s not ready.”

“Then why are you fucking calling me Seonghwa.” Mingi snaps.

“Because, you fuckwad, there  _ is  _ something you can do for him.” Seonghwa replies, losing his patience with Mingi. “And don’t you  _ ever _ fucking snap at me like that again.”

“Sorry,” Mingi mumbles. “What does he need?”

“I need you to heavily scent blankets and hoodies. Probably at least 2 of each. Really get in there and make them reek.” Seonghwa advises.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“If I tell you, you’re going to barge in my house and upset him, me, and my children, and then I’ll have no choice but to kill you. So just fucking do it.”

Mingi nods and hangs up the phone, finding San’s favorite throw blankets and one of Mingi’s oversized hoodies that makes the omega look impossibly smaller and scents them generously. He rushes out of their apartment and stops by the convenience store and picks up a lot of San’s favorite comfort snacks as well as a cute puppy stuffed animal for his omega. Always carrying a pen and paper with him to jot down his thoughts, he writes a hasty note to his boy.

> _ Sani, I miss you. I love you so much, my sweet, pretty omega. Please come home to me. I’ll wait for you always. _
> 
> _ -M _

He knocks twice on Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s door, arms full of the items he brought for the omega. Hongjoong answers timidly and shoots Mingi a glare followed by a look of sympathy. He grabs the items for San and instructs the tall alpha to wait for him as he passes them to his mate. 

Mingi shifts uncomfortably waiting for Hongjoong to return. The door opens and Mingi whips around to see Hongjoong pulling the door closed behind him.

“How could you do that?” Hongjoong asked, deadpan.

“Joong I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. I would  _ never _ .”

“Don’t say ‘I would never’ because you did, Mingi. You fucking did.” Hongjoong’s tone was surprisingly calm given the stressful nature of the situation and that made Mingi feel worse. 

“I just want to apologize to him.” Mingi whispers, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “I wish I could take it back, Hongjoong. I would give anything to take it back.”

“I know,” Hongjoong says, lifting his arm to comfort his friend. “God, Seonghwa’s gonna kill me for telling you this.”

“Telling me what?”

“The reason we need your stuff is because there are studies that show if you have your mate’s scent, it helps with the pain.”

“Pain? What pain?”

“Your boy is in there writhing in pain because he’s not near you. And even through all of that, even when he  _ needs _ to be with you, he still feels so emotionally scarred that he doesn’t want to see you.”

“He’s- he’s in pain?”

“He’s in pain, Mingi.”

“God, this fucking sucks. Please, Hongjoong. Let me just go inside. Hell, I’ll talk to him through the door. Seonghwa can stand between us if he wants. I won’t go near him. Let me just talk to him. Try and ease his pain.”

“Absolutely fucking not.” The two alphas whip around to see a seething Seonghwa in the doorway. “You  _ do not _ go near him.”

“Seonghwa, please.” Mingi pleads desperately.

“Hwa, come on.” Hongjoong tries to reason and now the terrifying glare that he was fixing on Mingi turns to Hongjoong.

“You’ve  _ got _ to be kidding. Fuck you, Hongjoong, if you think that there’s anything respectable or commendable about what he’s trying to do.”

“I know it’s fucked up, Hwa, but he’s trying to make it right.”

Seonghwa laughs darkly. “You don’t even see the problem with this, do you?” Neither knows who he’s addressing, but the oldest continues. “Did you know that he was almost mated before Mingi came along? That some  _ good for nothing  _ scumbag with an inferiority complex decided he didn’t give a shit about San’s decision and tried to force-mate him? I’m assuming by the dumb look on your face, Mingi, that you had no clue what your omega has gone through.”

“I had no idea.” Mingi whispered, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach. “Oh  _ fuck. _ ”

“So no, you don’t get to go in there and try to sweep up the pieces when he’s literally breaking inside reliving all of his past traumas and fears. You don’t get to ‘just talk to him through the door’ when he can barely defend himself.” With that, Seonghwa turns on his heel and closes the door quietly, leaving the two stunned alphas in the hall.


	2. shattered dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can...can you tell me about it?” Mingi pleaded and Yeosang hesitated before shaking his head. 
> 
> “Mingi it’s not my story to tell.”
> 
> “Please, he doesn’t want to talk to me and I can’t get within 5 feet of Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s door without Hwa ripping my head off or wishing he could. I literally don’t know how to help him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's chapter two. enjoy <3

They continued like that, Mingi bringing over scented clothes and blankets and talking at Seonghwa, for what felt like ages. Mingi was starting to lose hope that he’d ever be able to talk to San again or that the omega would want to talk to him. How could he not know that his omega had such a troubled and traumatic past? San had never once mentioned it and they had had mating talks numerous times. Maybe that’s why Mingi was so confused as to why San got so upset. He thought they were  _ there. _ He thought they were ready to move forward. Granted, he didn’t even realize he bit San hard enough and on  _ that spot _ , but still, the long term goal was to eventually mate with each other. 

It was on week three of San being gone that he finally got some answers.

“Hey guys, thanks for meeting me here.” Mingi addressed his friends. Yeosang and Yunho were the only ones who didn’t completely rip his nads off when they heard what happened. They were open to talking to Mingi instead of yelling at him and scolding him. Well...at least Yunho was. Yeosang, however, was very much pissed off, but that’s to be expected from an omega who had claim fears of his own that he only just recently got over. 

“Did either of you know about San’s past?” Mingi asked the pair. Yunho shook his head negatively and Yeosang just side-eyed him. Yunho turned to his omega and raised a questioning brow.

“I knew,” Yeosang answered quietly with a shrug. “He doesn’t like to think about it, but I was there for the aftermath.”

“Can...can you tell me about it?” Mingi pleaded and Yeosang hesitated before shaking his head. 

“Mingi it’s not my story to tell.”

“Please, he doesn’t want to talk to me and I can’t get within 5 feet of Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s door without Hwa ripping my head off or wishing he could. I literally don’t know how to help him.” Mingi was desperate for any sort of information that could lead to his omega coming back to him.

“Come on, Yeo. He deserves to know.” Yunho tried to reason and Mingi could pick up a faint hint of distress in Yeosang’s scent as he debated with himself on whether he should tell his long time friend’s secret.

“We were neighbors growing up, San and I. Sani had just started presenting as an omega which was no surprise to anyone, really, and he actually presented a little early, which was extremely rare.” Yeosang started. “Anyway, he had been dating this older boy, Taejoon.” Yeosang spat the name as if it were poison on his tongue. 

“I remember hearing mumblings about Taejoon when you guys would talk. I figured it was just a really bad ex or something,” Yunho remarked, rubbing soothing circles on his omega’s shoulders. Mingi could detect a faint calming aura radiating from Yunho and Yeosang sagged into his alpha’s body.

“Really bad ex is an understatement. This guy was a tool. Anyway, he had already started presenting as an alpha and he was  _ obsessed  _ with Sani. But only in private. He didn’t really come around us because we were annoying or something. There were a few of us that voiced our concerns vocally to San, but you know how he is. He needs to come to realizations on his own and when he gets an idea of how he thinks of you in his head, that’s how you are.” Mingi chuckled fondly, thinking of how stubborn his omega is.  _ God  _ he missed San so much. “Anyway, I remember coming home late from soccer and I went over to San’s to check on him because he wasn’t there and that’s weird for him.” Yeosang steeled himself and took a deep breath, releasing it shakily. “I couldn’t even breathe right; he was so distressed. I started coughing as soon as I got to the front door. I hadn’t even gone in yet and I knew something was wrong. When I went in, I saw him crumpled on the floor sobbing,  _ alone. _ He was home alone and all he could tell me was that Taejoon tried to mate him. He pinned him down and tried to sink his teeth into San’s neck. Luckily San’s martial arts background came in handy and he has a fight response instead of a flight one. He was able to fight his way free and make it home, but that fucker followed him, growling and trying to use his alpha commands to get San to submit. Luckily San’s stubbornness helped him to fight it off and get inside and lock the doors before Taejoon could get to him.

“San’s been guarded after that. He spent his next few heats alone until you came along, Mingi. I’d never seen him so  _ taken  _ by an alpha, especially one of your...stature...before,” Yeosang said, gesturing weakly to indicate his size. “You were good for him, good  _ to  _ him, and I knew that he’d willingly and openly submit to you eventually and be your mate.” Mingi shrunk down and his heart hurt. His heart hurt for his pretty omega that was lying in pain somewhere that wasn’t with him and no amount of words could help.

“What are-Mingi, where are you going?” Yeosang exclaimed and Mingi hadn’t even realized he was up and on his way out of the cafe. He just needed to get to San.

*****

“You’re not supposed to be here today.” Seonghwa said plainly. He was cradling a crying Jisoo on one hip and Mingi could see Jisung behind his older friend babbling to himself on the floor.

“Please, Hwa, let me see him. You can be there the whole time. You can stand in front of me if you want. You can block him. I just need to see him. I won’t touch him unless he asks. I will leave if he asks. But I need to talk to him. I need to apologize. Please don’t make me move you, Hwa. I don’t want to do that but I will.”

“Let me put my children down for a nap and then I will  _ ask  _ if San is okay with seeing you. Stay here.” Mingi nodded as the omega turned on his heel and closed the door behind him. 

After what felt like an eternity, Seonghwa opened the door and retreated back into his apartment with Mingi close behind. The pair shuffled wordlessly down the familiar halls and Mingi could  _ smell _ the distress radiating off of his omega and his heart shattered for what felt like the millionth time. Seonghwa knocked on the door briefly before opening it and around him, Mingi saw San curled up with one of the blankets Mingi had brought over earlier. His alpha whooped momentarily before Mingi was able to quell the brief bout of pride.

“Sani?” Seonghwa addressed, “ _ Mingi  _ is here to see you. Are you sure you still want to talk to him?” Mingi heard San whimper tiredly and Seonghwa turned around and glared at the tall alpha. 

“Go on then, speak.” He addressed Mingi and Mingi shrunk down under the omega’s harsh gaze. 

“San, are you okay?” Mingi started.

“O- _ okay _ , Mingi are you fucking jok-”

“Seonghwa!” San scolded with fire in his voice. “He came here to talk and I  _ know _ how much you’ve scolded him. You can _ not _ interrupt him every time he asks me a question.” San continues lashing out at Seonghwa who ducks his head in apology. San turned to Mingi and there was something in the omega’s eye that Mingi couldn’t quite place. Contempt, maybe? Maybe Mingi was seeing what he felt he deserved. “To answer your question,  _ alpha, _ ” San spits harshly “I’m a lot better now than I was last week.” He stares wide-eyed at Mingi and Mingi takes that as his cue to continue.

“San I’m so  _ so sorry. _ I will say it every day for the rest of our lives if you’ll let me. I had no idea of your past, but even that’s no excuse for biting you  _ like that _ . I took away your choice in the matter and I fully understand if you want to break the bond.”

They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity after Mingi finished his heartfelt apology. The alpha was crying and Seonghwa was just looking between the two waiting for a cue from his long time friend that he was done with the conversation so he could escort Mingi out. San looked at Seonghwa, set his jaw and said “Hwa, can you please leave so I can have a word alone with this  _ dumb alpha? _ ” Seonghwa, shocked, nodded curtly and left the room, the door closing softly behind him. San stood up and walked powerfully toward Mingi who immediately knelt in front of San baring his neck to the omega. A true submission is rare for an alpha but San deserved it. Mingi was awful and he promised himself that he would spend everyday making sure his omega knew how sorry he was.

“What you did was stupid, selfish, and rash. It was harmful in so many ways and I’ve spent the past week in writhing pain because I’ve not let myself be around you. This is the best my omega has felt since that day and that in itself is  _ infuriating.  _ To think that I’m now attached to you, someone who got so caught up in his own pleasure that he took away the  _ most important  _ choice an omega gets, forever is so maddening.”

“I promise you, San, it’s the thing I’m going to regret forever and I wasn’t kidding when I said I would allow you to break the bond if you wanted. You have my word. Whatever you want, I’ll do it.” Mingi cried and San tutted.

“You  _ asshole _ .” San sobbed. “To be perfectly, crystal, one-hundred percent clear, I  _ do not  _ want to break my bond to you. I would very much love to be your omega. But you need to know that you hurt me and it’s going to take some time for me to get over that. To get over you taking away  _ my choice _ in who I want to be my alpha.”

“You’re not going to break it?” Mingi couldn’t believe that San, after all of this, still wants to be attached to him.

“Hell no I’m not going to break it. Mingi, I’ve known that you’d be my mate since my first heat we spent together. I just needed it to be perfect. That’s who I am. My omega is  _ thrilled  _ that you chose me. Which is even more infuriating because I can’t even be that upset with you. You love me so much that you didn’t even  _ realize  _ what your body was doing. It wanted to be my alpha so badly.”

“Mark me.” Mingi said impulsively. “Right now. I want to be your alpha.”

“Mingi, don’t be silly. When you’re not in a rut, alpha marking is so painful.”

“I don’t care. Please, San. I deserve being stabbed in the eye with sun-hot metal stakes repeatedly. I want your mark. I don’t care about the pain.”

“Stand up,” San demanded and Mingi complied easily. He took Mingi’s hands in his own and kissed his knuckles gently. “I appreciate the gesture, but not right now. Not like this. Not when you feel like you have something to prove. I’ll mark you when we’re both ready. For now, let’s focus on getting back to where we were, yeah?” The omega had tears in his eyes and Mingi disentangled their hands to wipe a rogue tear that fell. He nodded and pressed his forehead against San’s.

“Will you come home?” Mingi whispered. San tilted his head up and pressed his lips softly over Mingi’s. 

“Yes.” San mumbled against his lips. “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not quite the ending i wanted for this installment, but we'll see more of their arc later in the series. I promise there will be more and eventually everything will be okay. it just takes some time. leave me a comment or kudos. it fuels my creative meter :D

**Author's Note:**

> did I mention this was going to be multi-chaptered for this part? Ahh, well....yeah.
> 
> See you in the next chapter.


End file.
